Creating healthy boundaries in relationships is necessary. Lord, we know it’s difficult – the thought of conflict – leading to a bunch of drama. Is it really worth it? Yet, when we don’t create boundaries with others – because we love them, are friends with them, or work with them – resentment builds and builds. It’s probably easier to let others know what you will and will not tolerate rather than have a blowing up. Hence, being loving isn’t about relinquishing ourselves to martyrdom or victimhood, it’s about revealing the best of ourselves with healthy boundaries.
Yet we need to reveal the best of our self to ourselves.
In other words, we often don’t think to create personal boundaries with ourselves where our love and compassion outshines our need to beat ourselves up by listening to the inner-critic inside our mind. Making sure we act with integrity and love toward ourselves takes time as we’ve built up a lifetime of self-harm and berating self-talk.
Baby steps. You deserve better.
Below is an excerpt from our book WTF I’m Trying to Be Spiritual – A Workbook for Loving Yourself without Fear that gives an exercise in creating personal boundaries.
While we may not tolerate abuse from others, we often abuse ourselves—and at times far worse than others abuse us.
Self-abuse takes many forms. Do you require setting boundaries regarding how you treat yourself? What would they be in terms of mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual? For instance, do you talk to yourself with love and praise, or do you criticize yourself? Write down some boundaries for yourself.
Mental (for instance, I will not criticize myself)
Emotional (I’ll allow myself to be loved rather than negate love)
Physical (I won’t fill my body with junk food unless it’s chocolate)
Spiritual (I won’t allow myself to feel inferior to others because we’re all equal)
Sexual (I won’t let myself feel guilty if I feel sexual pleasure)